I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
