you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
