Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
