I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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