true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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