Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
