Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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