Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
