your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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