don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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