The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
