I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
