i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
