But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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