Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
