South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
