Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
