bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
