My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
