Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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