Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
