i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
