So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
