You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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