You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
