I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
