Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
