Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
