Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
