you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
