Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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