I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
