best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
