Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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