I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When are your genitals available?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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