The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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