We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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