I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
