I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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