the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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