Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
