Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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