i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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