last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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