Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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