Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
