Cold hands, warm shart.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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