We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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