I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Soap is not a condiment
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
