I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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